We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
