Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
