I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
