just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize