you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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