blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
