No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize