Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
