I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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