Cold hands, warm shart.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
