I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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