I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
