connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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