You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
