fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
