I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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