I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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