God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
