I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
