i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
