how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
