R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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