my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
