I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
