I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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