I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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