I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
