After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
