just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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