He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
