Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
