I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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