Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
