Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
