dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
