How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Randomize
