Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
