so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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