How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
