If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
