I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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