He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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