Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
