So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
