her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
