It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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