Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
