you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
