Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
