Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
