I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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