I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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