very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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