Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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