from now on my penis is your penis
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize