oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
