The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
