My friends, they love my intelligence
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize