she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
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