i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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