Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
