Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize