I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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