Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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