Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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