I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
