Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
