Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
