Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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