I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
