Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
