Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Sex in the backyard? Check.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
