You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Be still, my beating vagina.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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