You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize