i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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