I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize