Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
